I Took Myself on a Date

I have a confession.

I can’t remember the last time I left the house by myself.

Here’s the deal, 2009-2010 I lived alone in Boston. I had my own apartment, didn’t really have friends, my boyfriend lived 500+ miles away and my family lived 1000+ miles away. I was good and truly alone all. the. time. And while it wasn’t the best situation and company would have probably improved my depression, I did get used to it. I didn’t mind being on my own, I didn’t mind going grocery shopping, eating alone, getting coffee alone, riding the train alone, coming home to an empty house. I got used to it and it was just normal everyday life.

Then in 2010, I moved to Pennsylvania to live with my boyfriend, Scott. And we were in the suburbs with no public transportation and we only owned one car that I couldn’t even drive. Combine that with my increasing depression and daily anxiety that got worse when I left the house…

I can’t remember the last time I left the house by myself.

So I decided to fix that. It wasn’t easy but it’s something I need to work on. We’re living back in Illinois now with my parents and I can drive my mom’s car, the baby will eat from a bottle if he needs to and I need to work on better self care.

I took myself out on a date.

So despite the 100+ degree weather (pretty hot for Chicago!), I showered and put on make up, the first time since I had the baby, packed a notebook and my camera and went out into the world. I stopped by the bookstore and wandered around, pulled out some creativity books and read in the cafe for a bit. I’ll be honest, it was damn hard to leave. Not to leave the baby, I knew he was in safe hands with his Daddy, but I was anxious by the time I got to the bookstore (driving is hard on me too). So I didn’t stay at the bookstore as long as I could have. After that I went out to lunch by myself. I actually was able to think better at lunch than the bookstore (too noisy).

I wrote down a bunch of thoughts and ideas. Goals and dreams that will take years to accomplish but baby steps that I need to work on now. It was hard, and I was panicking pretty bad by the time I got home (before baby even had time to wake up and take a bottle!) but I did it.

I did it.

And I’ll do it again and again and again. My goal right now is to take myself out at least once a month because I know it will be healthy for me even if it’s scary.

Do you go out on dates with yourself? How often? What do you do?