*Disclaimer: What is written below, I wrote out in about 60 seconds while in the middle of a panic attack. I sat on my bed, as the anxiety mounted and thought it would help, it would ease the pain to write it down. And so I did. I wrote it with no intentions of sharing or even reading it ever again. But, I’m publishing it today in hopes that some people out there understand, and others learn to feel less alone.
Fear, and panic grip me.
There is a tight knot in my stomach, just below my ribs.
I feel as if the only way to make it stop is to take a knife and plunge it in,
to rip out my emotions, my pain, my anger, my fear and my panic.
Why wont you go away ?
I scream to myself .
Tight.
I clench my jaw, brace myself again the wave of nausea as the tightness
in my stomach contracts and I am overcome.
Weeping in my head,
My eyes feel huge as I squeeze them shut against the world.
I cover my ears to block out the pain and the words that bombard me
from inside.
It does no good.
The pain, the pain, the fear.
It eases,
sometimes.
It returns with a vengeance and I’m back to the vision,
The wanting, the knife in my hand to make it go away
as I cry and thrash again the bonds of this horrible awful disease
that so few understand.
My breathing constricts and I’m left trying to count it out
1
2
3
4
In
1
2
3
4
Out
No use.
My ribs move up and down as my lungs fill with air
but the tightness just below gets ever tighter, never letting up.
One Comment