It All Starts With One Thought

“I think I could be really happy.”

This was the thought that crossed my mind a few weeks ago. I remember it so vividly even though it’s been almost a month now and so much has happened in between. I was driving my moms car, on my way home from a chiropractor appointment (which I’m loving by the way), my music was blaring. My favorite part about being in the car sans baby, especially when I’m in the drivers seat, is to have the music up so my windows shake. (Yes, I’m one of those people.)

So there I was, taking a turn near home, singing along to the music, the sun setting to my left and suddenly, as if it was clear as day and nothing could be more true right in that moment, I thought:

“I think I could be happy. Really truly, holy fuck this is amazing happy.”

But then the “if this and if that” came in to play, they didn’t feel petty or self sabotaging though.

“If only I had a doctor who helped me enough to get my medication correct so my chemicals were balanced and I didn’t feel so anxious (so like this), so much like I’m dying because I can’t breathe.”

But even with those thoughts additional “if this and if that”, I think so constantly now:

“I could be really happy.”

It will happen. And thoughts spur our actions which change our mood and cycle back to our thoughts and our day to day lives suddenly become something we didn’t recognize.

“I WILL be really happy.”

It will happen for me, for my family. Soon. Someday soon. Our lives will be so much more than what they are now, not too much either. Just enough. We’ll have the things we need, a space of our own, and love but it all is starting with this one thought during one regular day with nothing extraordinary happening. This extraordinary thought came to me and said,

“I think I could be really happy.”

Yes.