What I Wish I’d Known as a New Mama with Post Partum Depression

What I Wish I'd Known as a New Mama with Post Partum Depression by Kendra Kantor

It’s okay.

It’s hard.

It’s tiring.

That sounds so simple but sometimes simple is all you need. I remember struggling and doubting and crying and wishing for someone to understand what I was going through.

It’s okay to feel alone, but remember that you aren’t.

It’s okay to feel this way, but remember it will pass.
It’s okay to get professional help. It’s okay to open up to your doctor, midwife or therapist if you are feeling bad.

It’s okay to have doubts and feel like a bad mama (you’re not).
It’s okay if you don’t bond right away.
It’s okay to fight with your partner (you will, a lot).
It’s okay to cry (you’ll do this even more).

It’s okay to give yourself a damn break and let things slide. For a long time. For like a year.

It’s okay to need a break. It’s okay to WANT a break.

It’s okay to worry. But you don’t need to all the time.

It’s okay to let others soothe your child.
It’s okay to not do everything yourself.
It’s okay if you don’t have all the best, newest, most awesome and expensive toys and clothes and gadgets. Really all your baby needs is some diapers, some clothes and your boobs. Oh and love. Lots of love.

It’s okay to be MORE than a mama. You NEED to be more than a mama.

It’s okay to spend a night away if you need or want to.

It’s okay to let your child learn to play independently.

It’s okay to be any kind of parent you want to be, ignore everyone else and do what works for you and your family.

Mama hood is hard people. Go easy on yourself and remember: It’s all going to be okay.

♥Kendra

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New Mama Welcome Pack Blog Hop

Being a first-time mama is an amazing experience. The New Mama Welcome Pack blog hop is a celebration of this life changing event! Follow the links to discover more unmissable advice, stories and essential tips. And if you’re a new mama who wants to rock motherhood without guilt, overwhelm or losing yourself, check out the New Mama Welcome Pack here.

New Mama Welcome Pack / Lotte Lane / Dreaming Aloud / Birthing in Conscious Choice / Natalie Garay / Knecht Ruprecht / Lise Meijer / Naomi Goodlet / A Lifestyle By Design / Story of Mum / Like a Bird / Holistic Mama / Birth Geek / Joyful Parenting / Stroller Packing / My Healthy Beginning / Mums and More / Kate Beddow – Growing Spirits / Ellen Nightingale / Stacie Whitney / Maternity Leavers / Photography for Busy Parents / Close Enough To Kiss / Atelier Susana Tavares / Offbeat Family / Katie m. Berggren ~ Painting Motherhood / Winship Wellness Blog / Liberate From Weight / Jessica Cary / Raising Playful Tots / Peaceful Mothering / Play Activities / Lauren Nenna / The Adventure Mama / Be Wise Be Healthy / Doula in Your Pocket / Making Mom Strong / Adrienn Csoknyay / Joyful Parents / Simple Solutions for Photos / Lynne Newman / Mumpreneur Mentor / A Walk in the Clouds / Parenting on the Fence / MiaMily

All links in this post to The New Mama Welcome Pack are affiliate links. That means, when you purchase The New Mama Welcome Pack, you’re helping support Like a Bird! I feel so incredbily passionate about this project and hope you will purchase it to help you as a new mama.

04/07/2014
Like a Bird, motherhood, Offerings | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Thoughts(11)

I’m Afraid of Being Healthy and In Recovery

I'm Afraid of Being Healthy and In Recovery by Kendra Kantor

I’m not there yet. There’s still a ways to go but I’m finally FINALLY in a place that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I don’t think you can “cure” mental illnesses but you can treat them and eventually be happy and healthy. I’m almost there.

And I’m feeling fucking terrified when I let myself think about it for real.

What? I know. Weird.

I’ve never known anything except being mentally unwell. When I was 13 and first realized I had depression, I went to a psychiatrist for the first time and she asked me if I could remember the last time I was happy, I couldnt. Not even when I was young.

I’m sure at some point I was a bubbly happy toddler but as far as I could remember, I always had these looming sadness, this unhappy and unconident me lurking inside. I’ve been on and off medication and in and out of therapy since I was 13 and I’ve had so so so so many ups and downs. But I’ve never really felt “well”.

I’ve felt okay. I’ve felt like I could make it through a few days. I’ve felt like as long as there was someone to hold me while I cried and I wasn’t sucicidal anymore, I could do this thing called life.

The last 3 years have been the worst of my journey and the best in a lot of ways. I really feel like I hit rock bottom for a while there. And now, I have so many great tools in place, I have awesome support, I have goals and am making amazing progress every day.

Wellness is in sight and I’m afraid of it. I’m not scared to be happy exactly but I think it’s more that I’m afraid of the change. Change is hard for all of us. And I’ve lived mentally unhealthy for as long as I can remember, that’s over 20 years of being unwell, unhappy and living a certain way. Now I’ll be different. I’ll be content and at peace and enjoy life without worry all the time. And that is terrifying.

Because I’m all about honesty, I’m going to come clean and say I’m afraid of not getting as much attention from my husband. I’m a really need partner and since we were long distance the first 6.5 years, once we were together it was awesome and then our son came along and things changed because…well we were parents. It was totally expected and makes sense and I love seeing my husband with his son. But like a lot of parents, we struggle with spending enough time on us as a couple in a relationship, ya know? Being unwell has meant that I’ve needed more support and time and once I’m well, I won’t. And that scares me too.

My rational mind tells me it will all be okay and I know it will be. I have time to adjust because this change from unwell to well is a slow slow path that I’m walking. I’m getting better every day, every week but I will always have to deal with my mental illnesses. This change is good, but all change is scary.

♥Kendra

Share: How have you faced the changes that come with being healthy and well?

 

04/04/2014
Like a Bird, my mental health | Tagged , , , , , , | Thoughts

How Learning to Let Go, Allowed Everything to Click Into Place

How Learning to Let Go, Allowed Everything to Click Into Place by Kendra Kantor

For years I’ve struggled with feeling like a “jack of all trades”, I worried for such a long time that I would never be an expert enough at something to do it well or be successful. SO often I pushed away different parts of me in favor of other’s so I could learn and be better.

It’s only been the last year or two that I’ve really stopped pushing so hard against it all. Why, you ask? I don’t know. I’ve been so focused on my mental health journey and on my son, that pushing and pulling my creative sides away became less important and because of that I’ve learned something.

I can allow all of it, and it all fits.

I can be a photographer.
I can be an art journaler.
I can be a poet.
I can be a novelist.
I can be a writer/blogger.
I can be a mama.
I can be a mental health advocate.

I can do all of this, all together and one doesn’t become more important than the other.

They are each sides of me and if I push one away then I feel lost, like there’s battle that doesn’t need to be fought but is raging anyways. It all works together, a well churned machine not that I’ve stopped fighting.

Sure, some weeks I do more photography than poetry and other weeks I have the urge to write fiction instead of blog. But I don’t fight against that anymore like I used to.

I let it all in, I let go and just literally go with he flow of my creative work and allow what calls to me to be what I do. I honestly didn’t even realize this was all happening until recently when I was working on a new project (that you’ll see soon! I’m so excited!). In the past, I would have felt guilty for working on this project, for switching focus and I would have felt like I had to continue down this path and create this type of thing over and over again or…what would be the point?

The point is that it’s a part of me and just because I’m using a different medium to tell my story, doesn’t mean that my story isn’t still present in the work. I feel so free with this realization.

♥Kendra

Share: Are you a multi-faceted creator? How have you learned to allow it all in?

 

04/01/2014
just me, Like a Bird | Tagged , , | Thoughts(2)