A letter to myself:

Dear Katie on July 7, 2006

You are on your way home from the hospital right now. Eric is in the driver seat, you are sitting in the back with Tyler, only 3 days old and fastened snuggly in his new car seat. As Tyler sleeps you and Eric exchange nervous smiles via the review mirror, as first time parents neither of you know what to expect or do next. This is all uncharted territory; all you know is that your lives are about to change and you so badly want to get it right.

As I compose this letter to you, to myself 6 years in the past, I’m thinking about how in a few short months Tyler will turn 6 years old. I scarcely know where to begin to describe the emotions that go through my mind as I think about Tyler turning 6. Everything that’s happened up until this point, everything that will happen from here. Thinking about my kids growing up causes my heart to become a melting pot of emotions, however from time to time I feel oddly serene; I feel at peace with time and what it creates and destroys.

Today is one of those serene days, by now you not only have Tyler but you have girl as well, Claire, who will be 5 in August. I watch the kids as I type; they are playing a board game on the floor in front of me, laughing and smiling and just being. Just being, happy. I’m okay with the fact that they are no longer infants or toddlers, even though at times I miss that stage with all my heart. They are so innocent yet the real world is starting to reach them. Going to school, having talks about strangers and danger and safety and fire escape routes. These discussions were irrelevant when they were only a few months old. They were an extension of me that I could protect and I didn’t need to give them instruction or advice because I had control over them. Knowing now that the control is fleeting is very bittersweet. It’s something you push from your mind at times just to function during the day. You worry about them a lot. You would wrap yourself around them like a shield forever if you could — I know you feel that today, driving home from the hospital, and I’m telling you that feeling won’t go away. You have to find a way to live with it, for time passing to be okay, for change to be okay.

I guess what I’m trying to say is savor every moment right now. Cherish holding them as infants. I know you are scared and you doubt your abilities to raise this baby, you feel so humbled and unqualified, but you are a natural. Your love for you kids guides you and aids in your natural instinct of what’s best for them. Time passes so quickly, it will be 2012 in the blink of an eye. When you are tired and just want to sit on the couch and unwind, take Tyler up on his offer to snuggle in bed… even if all you want to do is to go to bed yourself. You won’t regret the time you spend with him, the stories he tells you, the talks you have, listening to him sleep and dream and watching him drift off so peacefully and the comfort of your arms. Cherish protecting them in this way while you can. Give them your love so when you drop them off at school for the first time they are confident in themselves and your love and that will give them the strength to face this world that deep down excites you and scares you.

There will be a day, that will come sooner than you think, that you will crave his attention and his attention will be harder to get than you want to believe. What is most important is time and never wasting it. Giving your children your time, as cliche as it sounds, it is the most important thing you can give them in life.

Love,

Katie on April 16, 2012

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A note from Kendra:

This is such a beautiful post, Katie. I love your attitude and it’s such a great message to new mothers like myself. Thank you for sharing this letter to yourself, I will keep your advice to yourself in mind for my own children too.

Jeffrey Mica Joseph
Our beautiful little boy was born on Saturday April 28th(his due date!) At 9.44am. Baby Jeff weighed 8lbs 12oz and was 21.5inches long.

He is amazing and beautiful and I’m so in love.

I am officially on blog maternith leave now and have some fantastic guest posts lined up and lots of scheduled posts from me too. I will eventually write up baby Jeff’s birth story and share it here. In the meantime, enjoy my guest posters and you can keep in touch and up to date with me on twitter or instagram(likeabirdstudios)

So, in honor of our anniversary I thought I would write some tips on love and relationships this month. I’m not going to say our relationship is perfect, because it’s not however I think we do pretty damn well and I think it’s amazing that even after all this time, I still actually like the guy and hate hate hate being apart from him.

1- Talk

One of the most important things I can say about having a successful relationship is that you need to talk. I wrote last year in my Weekly Tips: Relationships post about talking as well. Here is a summarized version of what I wrote:
When I talk to friends or family or read on blogs/twitter about people complaining or asking for advice on their relationship, I get very frustrated. So many times I read/get told about how they don’t like x or y that their significant other does. And they always tell me they haven’t talked to their partner about their problem. Seriously, if you don’t feel comfortable bringing up a discussion about anything and everything with your partner there’s a problem. I tell my fiance everything. If I’m annoyed by something he’s doing, he knows it. If there’s something I think we need to fix in our relationship, I tell him. If he’s not paying enough attention to me, I tell him. If I don’t feel like kissing or cuddling, he knows. If I want more of something from him, I tell him.

You need to talk about the good and the bad, the doubt and the love, the ugly and the beautiful.

2- Find someone who understands.

I’ve known a lot of people who are in relationships where their significant other doesn’t understand something about them. Most specifically, depression, anxiety, OCD or other mental illnesses. They aren’t supportive or loving or they think it’s all “in your head” and so not only do you not talk (see tip #1), but having the most important person in your life not understand something so deeply a part of who you are can be tough. And probably something to avoid, in my opinion.

3- You don’t always have to be two peas in a pod.

It’s fantastic to be in a relationship with someone that you have similar interest to. Honestly, to a point it’s essential but that doesn’t mean you always both have to like the exact same things all the time. My fiance, Scott, is a huge gamer and I like games but I don’t feel like playing as often as he does. And that’s okay. It’s also okay that he’s not as in to blogging as I am. We spend a lot of nights sitting at our respective computers doing what we enjoy but still being together and talking.

4- Discuss the important things

Religion, politics, kids. Even if you don’t realize it right now, there are beliefs and dreams and goals you have that are ‘deal breakers’. You should discuss these important topics with your significant other, you don’t want to end up in a situation of being pregnant and finding out you have completely different ideals and morals. If you feel like you can’t talk about these things, you’re afraid of the reaction if you bring something up, that’s not a great sign either.

5- Go out every week.

My fiance and I spend a lot of time together. We’re currently expecting our first child so we’ve had each others attention for the past 8 years. But we still make time to go out on little coffee dates weekly and we will keep doing so even after we have kids. Even though we spend every day together, it’s nice to have some time set aside that we know is just for us being together and enjoying each other without having to worry about anything else.

6- Be independent.

Love is great but let yourself be independent. Don’t be in a relationship that you have to run everything by the other person, you don’t want to have to check in constantly or do things a certain way just because your other half wants it done that way. Compromise to a point, but still let yourself be your own person, have your own life and don’t let your other half change you to a worse you.

7- Be patient and don’t hold grudges.

There will be times when you fight or argue or just plain don’t like each other. I’ll admit that I’m notorious for telling my fiance that I love him but that I don’t like him right at that moment and that’s perfectly fine. Thankfully, he’s learned to be patient and I never hold grudges so even when we do argue (very very often) or are annoyed with each other, it’s over in a few hours or the next morning. Don’t hold a grudge with your significant other and pay attention to what they are feeling during an argument or rough patch too and be patient with their attitude and/or need for space.

8- Be spontaneous.

In the romance department. Buy each other little gifts, flowers or chocolate for no reason at all. Make your other half breakfast in bed (even if it’s just cereal and coffee!), give them a hug randomly or randomly tell them you love them for no reason at all. Let them know you’re thinking about them at the most random times of the day and that you appreciate them.

9-Have a marriage centered relationship.

Now, most of the things I’ve read about marriage centered relationships are from religious articles and sources but there’s no reason you have to be religious or Christian to have a marriage centered relationship. This is kind of a controversial topic I think but in my opinion it’s really important. Most people, after having kids tend to shift their focus to their children instead of their partner, which is great…until you get lost and your relationship with your partner suffers. If you have a rocky relationship with your partner and father/mother of your children, they will know and their lives will suffer too. Give yourself time to go on weekly dates, be spontaneous and patient and remember you love each other.

10- A good relationship can handle any distance.

I’m going to be honest, any sort of distance for any length of time is a total bitch. It’s hard and testing and sad. My fiance and I were long distance (500+miles) for over 6 years and it was the worst. But, not only did we survive…we are a better couple because of it. You learn so much about a person and discuss topics you might not in person when all you can do is actually ya know…talk.

11- Collaborate.

Try working on a project together…paint a room, write a book(or short story), build a bookshelf. How did it go? Were you frustrated with each other or did you have fun and enjoy it? You should enjoy it. This brings us back to talking and patience. If you enjoy collaborating and working on the little things with each other, it will be easier to work on your relationship and feel supported by your partner in your own ventures.

12- Adventures can spice things up.

If you’re bored in your personal daily life, you might end up bored in your relationship and that’s never a fun place to be! We all get bored, even if your relationship is solid and you work on it but daily routines can become boring. A change of scenery and a break of the mundane can liven up your life and your relationship. Take a weekend and hop in the car, drive in one direction for a few hours and see where you two end up. Find a new store to wander in, a new park to check out, go on a picnic if you haven’t in a while or go ice skating on a whim. Switch it up.

13- Be silly.

Yes, we all need to grow up at some point but we don’t always have to act like grown ups. Be as silly as you want to be with your other half, because they won’t judge you and it’s fun. Tickle each other, wrestle, make jokes and make funny faces for no reason. Don’t be afraid to let yourself go and just enjoy.

14- Respect and family.

Family is one of the most important things in life, so don’t rock the boat with your partner’s family! How they feel about you can and will impact your relationship. Be a good person, be respective and try to make relationships with their parents and siblings.

15- Talk.

My most important and repeated tip. Just talk.

There are so many ways to have a great relationship but even if you feel like soul mates, it takes work. It will always take work and more importantly…you need to want to take the time and energy to do the work involved. Don’t become complacent, or bored. You need to want to love and enjoy your partner for life. I hope these tips help you in your current and future relationships!

I’d like to thank my awesome fiance, Scott, for helping me out with this list of tips!

(If you have a request or suggestion for a Tips topic, please contact me here or on twitter.)

He told me I couldn’t leave the bedroom until it was ready. He woke up at 9:30 am and came to get be around 2pm! He told me there were 21 things hidden around the apartment I had to find!

So I started searching and found 21 origami flowers. A few were hid so well he had to give me hints!

It took him all morning to make them, there are 4 different kinds and they are all so pretty.

(on a sidenote: that’s our little skelton friend on our bookshelf. We bought him for Halloween 2010 and my cat, Lilith ripped his head off so I just keep him up as decoration all the time now.)

At the end, he told me part 2 of the surprise was to open them up because he had written 21 reasons he loved me, 1 on each flower <3

This triptych was used for my Project 366 on January 7th. See it here.

Here is one of each of the kinds he made:

from top left to right: Bellflower, Lotus, Tulip, Lily

We wrote down each reason on paper (so I can look at them whenever I want!) and then folded the flowers back up and I think I’m going to make them into a garland to hang above our bed!

A few months ago, I found this video from Birdy (who btw, is only 15 and so amazing):

I instantly loved the song.

Of course, I knew it already. Since it’s a cover of this Bon Iver song (which I couldn’t find an official video for):

I find it funny that there is so much debate in the youtube comments about the two versions. I love them both. But for different reasons. Listen to them both and tell me they don’t emit completely different feelings inside of you. They do.

♥What songs have you been feeling to your core lately? We all need a bit of core reaching sometimes.