First I just want to start with a huge thank you for all the well wishes and congrats on my post last week!! We are so excited and I’m so happy to finally be able to share my experience and the joy of starting a family with all of you. My due date is April 28th, 2012!
And now I just want to tell you a little about what’s been going on with me in the last few months.
I’m sitting here and I’m not sure what to write. I feel like there are so many things I want to say and tell the world about the last few months. I’m so out of practice with blogging that I don’t know how to start. I don’t know if any of you will care? Which sounds silly, I know.
I don’t want this blog to turn in to a mommy blog but I have to tell you…I’m even more lost than I was before. With who I am and what I want for my little blog. And I think for now, I’m okay with that. I’m not going to stress (because I already have enough of that in my life) and I’m just going to do what feels right for now. I’m going to revert a bit and go back to my random postings, personal posting and talk lots about babies and the future. Because I can.
So here’s our baby story so far….(I’ll try not to get too personal here)
In late August we found out I was pregnant. I was shocked. I had had no symptoms really and when I took the test I thought, “okay I’ll just take it and make sure I’m not.” I really didn’t expect to see those two lines show up!
I was 4 weeks at that point. Two weeks later we got a dating ultrasound and the baby was measuring 6 weeks to the day. It was still just a tiny blob, a cute little circle of nothing on the ultrasound screen but we could see the little movement where the heart was. We told our parents that day and my mom is so excited too! It’s the first grandchild on both sides. I know I’ve mentioned before, I’m the baby of my family and my brothers are both in the 30’s now, I’m only 20. For some reason, I’ve always had a feeling I would by the first to have kids, I don’t know why but I just always knew, ya know?
Anyways…up until that point I had felt pretty great, excited that maybe I had been skipped over for morning sickness, thinking I was so lucky. And then I got horribly sick. From about week 7 to week 11 I was nauseous everyday, could barely get out of bed and almost never ate. I ate enough that I was okay, but it was terrible. I was taking anti-nausea meds but that only took the edge off. I’ve lost 16lbs since I’ve gotten pregnant! Even when we were working out I didn’t loose that much. Over the last few weeks, I’ve mostly gotten my appetite back(and managed to gain 1.5lbs between my last two dr appointments). So for the most part I’m not nauseous anymore, but I hate food with a passion. Can’t stand to look at it or think about it, I can’t go grocery shopping or cook. If I do any of those for too long I get nauseous again. There are good days and bad days but for the most part, I still feel bad.
On top of being physically ill for the past 2+ months, before we found out my depression/anxiety was at a pretty low point and the hormones and stress and emotions of being pregnant are making it even worse.
I knew before I got pregnant that it’s hard and that it’s not as glamorous as some movies/tv make it out to be. But I had always thought I would be the kind of girl who would LOVE being pregnant. So far, it sucks. I love that we’re starting a family and I can’t wait to meet this little person, but being pregnant is terrible for me. I thought it would get better when I hit the second trimester, but it wasn’t really. I keep hoping it’ll be better once I start feeling the baby move or when we find out the gender or when I actually LOOK pregnant. And I know those things will make me happy, but I know there will still be all the physical and emotional and mental things to deal with. I’m still holding out hope, but honestly April cannot get here fast enough!
That’s the reason I haven’t been around much. That’s why I posted my sketchbook days because I just haven’t had the mental capacity to blog or even think about my blog. I’ve been a bad friend with emails and my penpal letters. But I hope you all forgive me for being away for a while! I’m going to try to do better and I REALLY miss talking to some of you (so please email me or twitter me, I’m lonely).
Also, how many of you out there are pregnant or new mommies? I need some mom friends who are closer to my age/also bloggers. Please!
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