Maybe it’s a little late to be posting a “wrap up” of 2013, but this is my story and my space and I want to – need to – get some thoughts and feelings out about the year that just ended.
I have been doing a lot of looking forward lately, not so much looking back like I should.
My husband and I did a releasing ceremony on the Winter Solstice and I looked back at what I wanted to let go of from 2013 but beyond that…there hasn’t been a lot of reflection. Until now.
Why? What was I afraid of in looking back? I strongly believe in the importance of learning from life and our mistakes and triumphs and looking at where we’ve been to see where we need and want to go. So why was I afraid?
I look back at other years…2012, 2011, 2010 and my fear makes sense.
2010 was…
intense.
hard.
loving.
full of change.
full of doubts.
full of laughter.
a time for decision making.
a whirlwind.
Originally posted here.
2011 was…
fast
painful
full of sadness, doubt
full of love, laughter
my “lost” year
Originally posted here.
2012 was…
a year of learning to be a mama
painful
filled to the brim with anxiety
full of love.
full of fear and change
a year of grieving and growth
a year of transition
I wish I had an actual post from 2012 but I don’t so the above is what I remember and what I see when looking back at posts.
I look back at those posts and my words and can feel my pain and confusion pouring through the words.
Yes, I was afraid to look back at 2013 and have similar feelings to the past few years.
And then I took a moment the other day and these were the thoughts that came pouring out…
2013 was…
A year of progress.
A year of forward motion and upward hills.
The first year in the longest time (ever? certainly for my whole adult life!) that i wasn’t angry and depressed and so ready to be done.
Okay.
Full of laughter and creating.
Full of feeling proud and real true growth.
The year Jeffrey turned 1.
The year we FINALLY got married.
The year I found my real purpose.
Holy crap! Can you see…feel…the difference from 2013 to the past years like I can? It’s real and tangible.
A few awesome major events happened in 2013, but nothing ground shattering. There was nothing that tore me down and broke my life apart like all the years before. There was real progress. I finally am on medication that is working, I’ve been consistently in therapy. Sure I lost a month or so to being sick and in the hospital. But despite that, things are looking up and I can’t even believe it.
So I needed to write it down so I can come back here and remember. Truth: Life isn’t perfect and I’m still not sure what ‘perfect’ is but it’s getting to a place that feels okay. It’s getting to a place that feels like it might actually be good.
I know it’ll still take time and work and there will be down falls because there were several even in 20132. But maybe in a few years, I’ll look back and say, hey 2013 was really the year things in our lives started to turn around. 2013 was our breakout year. 2013 was the year we needed to figure things out and really come into who we are and what we wanted.
2013 is over and it was a pretty decent one.
Here we go 2014. Let’s do this!
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