On Setting Limits

Self portrait. March 2011

With the new direction my blog has been taking (and I’m loving it), I’ve been looking inward a lot. I have a lot of plans and goals and so many things going on this year that even more I feel it’s important to work on myself and my journey to find peace with life and who I am. Today I wanted to share a few thoughts.

One of my traits that I’m most proud of, and something that has become a large part of this blog is that I’m open and honest. With myself and with my readers, because I feel it’s important.

There are so many blogs out there that never speak about the negative, it was and has been important to me to discuss the real, the honest, the hard. Sure, I’ll admit sometimes it’s a lot better to focus on the positives of a situation, and I do that…but life isn’t always positive and for someone who struggles with clinical depression and an anxiety disorder, I notice the bad more than the good. I’ve found, we (or at least I), learn more about myself from the negative experiences and thoughts I have.

That’s not always true, I know. But focusing on the positive can sometimes block my other thoughts, life isn’t always peaches and cream (is that the saying?). And I’m in no way knocking bloggers who only focus on the negative but…that won’t ever work for me. So I have this goal to be a resource, friend and mentor to young girls and other artists, bloggers, young mothers… anyone really who suffer from mental illnesses including depression and anxiety. So I try to be open and honest.

That being said, we all have our boundaries, especially as bloggers.

Some bloggers won’t talk about negatives and focus on inspirations, pretty things and the positives in life. Some bloggers decide never to swear on their public spaces and others choose to be anonymous. And those things are all okay, people shouldn’t go beyond what is comfortable for them or what they want their brand to be. If it works for you, your blog and your brand…more power to you. I’ve been thinking about my own limits lately.

It’s not really something I’ve thought about before. I’ve never told myself ‘no, I will never blog about this or that.’

Sure, I don’t swear as much (or really at all) on my blog when I can be pretty bad at doing it in real life, it’s not because I’ve consciously thought to myself, ‘I never want to swear, that’s not my brand.’ I guess it’s mostly just the way I write versus how I talk. I don’t limit myself to talking just about the positives, because that’s not me…that’s not my brand and that’s not how I can grow as a person, artist, mother or blogger. My blog would greatly suffer if I my limit was to never talk about the negatives.

I’m open, I’m honest. I tell you about when I’m depressed. Or rather, I’ll go on a hiatus and tell you more when I return to the world outside of my bed fort. I’m willing to share a lot on my blog, because it’s important to me to let others know it’s okay to feel this way. It’s okay to feel shitty, to be depressed and anxious and sad. It’s not something to be ashamed of, or hide from. It’s normal, to a point. I guess more importantly, it’s not something to feel ashamed of and you shouldn’t feel bad to seek help or advice from a professional if you need the help. You are not alone, there are others that feel the same.

So what are my limits? My limits aren’t anything I have ever thought of, but they just developed over time. My lines and limits have been set by themselves without me having to think about them. Is that okay? I don’t know. I feel like I should push my limits.

I think, my limits are going too in depth.

Yes, I talk about my depression on here. But I don’t talk about it as often as it happens (and it happens often), I don’t reveal when I have my panic attacks or why. I don’t discuss what stresses me and makes me want to run away (finances mostly). I don’t discuss the immense struggles I go through on a daily basis, trying to deal with depression, anxiety, major financial problems, pregnancy hormones and the nervous/excited/scared feelings that I get about being a mom for the first time. I think the main reason I don’t share these things is because I don’t want to sound like I complain or whine too much. That should be reserved for my therapist (if I had one) or my fiance, right? Probably.

But at the same time, it can be hard.

Even when I allow myself to talk about the negatives, I still feel like I’m hiding, I’m limiting a part of myself. And that’s why I choose to talk about the negatives in the first place

. If I only posted about pretty things and happy days…I would be disingenuous to who I am as a person, I would get stifled down and burdened with the fact that I was being dishonest to my readers and friends. But I would also not be a resource for those who needed someone like me, someone who will tell the truth and be open about things.

Maybe some things are just too personal, no matter how open a person wants to be. Maybe there will always be limits, or at least fear and doubt about what would happen if we had no limits at all. Would I feel more free if I let myself open up about every single thing or would I be too scared and delete every other post because I couldn’t take that it’s open to the entire world to read? I don’t know. What I do know is that I really enjoy questioning and talking here, and with that I will never limit myself.

What are you limits? Are they self-imposed or have they just developed without conscious thought? How would you feel if I suddenly became a “no-holds-bared” type of girl, and was honest about everything under the sun?