December 10-Wisdom Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out? (Author: Susannah Conway)
Each and everyday we are all making small and large decisions. Some heavily affect our daily lives and others affect our future. Even the decision to have pancakes or fruit for breakfast is significant.
While I made a million decisions this year, I think the biggest and hardest decision I made was to leave school. (I’ve slowly come to realize that I have let it go and am leaving that part of my life behind me. Yes, I’m taking a break from schooling but I left that school and don’t think I’m going back.)
There were sooo many tears and doubts and fears that took place before I made the decision and even now…months and months later, I still worry if it was the best thing for me to do. In the end, I’m not sure. It’s still playing out so I can’t say exactly if it was wise, great, awful or somewhere in between.
Where my life has gone since I decided to leave school has been amazing. Finally moving in with my boyfriend after a 6.5 year long distance relationship, getting engaged, being immensely happy to be in his daily life….being able to pursue my own path, trying to figure out where I want to go and what I want to be, getting my own cat (yes, it’s big and important)…these have all been effects of my decision and they are all wonderful.
December 11-11 Things What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life? (Author: Sam Davidson)
Wow. This was harder than I thought it would be! I got to number 6 and had to have my fiance help me with some more! (he suggested getting rid of my pessimism but I said no. I enjoy being pessimistic and a bit cynical).
1-Stress (money, wedding, family, dream/career path). A big thing to get rid of, especially since it’s basically the fuel that moves me most days. I over stress about everything and have anxiety attacks way too often. I have had money stress since I was like 10 I think, it’s very unhealthy for me. Wedding stress, I realize it probably won’t go away until the wedding is over but there are a few things I can try to calm down and if I get my way….well there will be a loooot less stress involved in the planning. And stress about my dream and career path, since I left school (see above: Wisdom) I have been stressing non-stop that I need to pick a new dream, a new passion and a new future asap when that’s not true. If I force it it won’t work.
2-Weight/Un-healthy eating habits. One of my 43 by 22 goals is to join a gym. Weight has almost always been an issue for me. I don’t want to be super skinny but I would like to be a little healthier and while I will never get rid of junk food or coffee, it would be great to eat a more balanced diet.
3-Un-organization (not clutter…mess and things all need a proper place). When I was reading other posts for this prompt, I read a lot of people wanting to get rid of clutter. I thought it was a good one. But whenever I think about it…I don’t have too much stuff I don’t use. Sure I could get rid of a few more clothes, a few knick knacks maybe but overall…my possessions include books and art supplies. And I don’t need to de-clutter any of that. I just need to organize. I need better storage and better labeling and everything I own to have a place to go.
4-Procrastination and Wasted Time. Sometimes I think it’s more that I have too many ideas or my fear of failure inhibits me. But either way…I spend a lot of time wanting to create, wanting to blog, wanting to get something done and then never do. This needs to end.
5-Jealousy. Not in my relationship. In the blogging and art world. I am insanely, crazy jealous over people who are living their dreams when I can’t seem to get there…people who are creating and selling their art and work….people who are more popular than I am even if I’ve been blogging longer than they have. It’s a real sore spot for me. Honestly, I’m not too hopeful about this one but I’m going to try.
6-Thoughts of failure. I mentioned this in #4. I have a very weird idea of failure. My failure barometer for myself is very high. In high school, I felt so much pressure (from myself, never from my parents) to not get any grades below a B. I panicked at the thought of it, thinking I would be a failure. Sometimes, I feel like a failure for leaving school. I feel like I’m failing majorly at life and every single thing I try. It would probably do wonders for my procrastination, which in turn would be great for my jealousy if I got rid of this.
7-Rushing. Maybe it’s just the way I work, maybe it’s how I have to work but sometimes I feel like I rush my art too much. I want to take a breath, slow down and work on something for longer than a few hours.
8-Expectations of being perfect, and fulfilling my dreams right away. It’s great to aspire to greater things, to aspire to be perfect and accomplish all of my dreams but I need to let go of those expectations. Maybe it will happen someday, but there’s no need to rush, no need for impatience.
9-My hermit-affinity. I’ll be the first to admit I don’t really like society. Ha! Dealing with large crowds and people puts me on edge. But I need to get out more. Maybe.
10-Unflattering clothes. I don’t necessarily need to get rid of too many clothes I just need to buy better ones. I need a stylist is what I need.
11-Less internet. More art.
Some of these are pretty obvious on how to get rid of them or make them better, others I’m not sure how I’ll do it…a strong will? I’ll figure it out I’m sure.
December 12-Body Integration This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present? (Author: Patrick Reynolds)
I read this prompt when it came to my inbox at midnight. My first thought was….what?! I’ve struggled with a few of the prompts so far, but I haven’t feel so unconnected to one as this. I was really determined to answer every single prompt, I don’t know why. As a personal sense of accomplishment I guess.
So.
Talking it out with my fiance Sunday morning I realized I don’t think about my mind and body being separated very often. I thought that meant they were never separate, but always one. But in reality, I think they are separate most of the time. The main reason because I’m in so much constant pain. There’s no way my body can do what I ask of it on a daily basis. I can’t create art for as long as I want, I can’t go walking or stand for as long as I want to, I can’t even sleep or sit down for very long most days. I don’t think about my body and my mind as two separate entities, they are both a part of me and can’t be removed….but they don’t work in harmony most of the time.
I don’t know if I can think of a moment this past year when I wasn’t in constant and almost debilitating pain. (I know I should probably get it looked at right? I just hate drs.)
I was reading a lot of responses to this post (search the #reverb10 hashtag on twitter) and I saw a lot of people talking about yoga or exercise. I’ve never liked yoga and don’t really exercise. Others seemed to be taking a different view of the prompt and talking about a moment when their world was at peace. I can relate to that. My fiance and I have gone on many picnics, sat under the trees, enjoyed the sun and the birds and I felt utterly peaceful. But I don’t think that’s what this prompt is about really.
So I guess in my own round-about way I’m trying to say that no…there was no moment when my body and mind were one this year.
♥
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