Reverb10: Days 7-9

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December 7 – Community Prompt: Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011? (Author: Cali Harris)

I’ve spent all day agonizing over this prompt. To me, community means friends and support. It means love and caring. It means so many things that I don’t have.

Over the years I’ve had a lot of acquaintances. People I talked to at school, or work. People who knew a bit about me and I them. Enough that we could hold conservations for decent lengths of time. But it’s been a loooong time since I’ve had someone (besides my fiance) who liked me enough to want to hang out with me. Someone who just texts or calls me because they saw something in the store I would like, or they wanted to gush about Star Wars with me. Someone who wants to go get coffee and just sit for hours, talking.

Sure, I’ve had and am still part of larger communities. Art school was a community. But it was one I didn’t fit in with. Blogging and twitter are communities. But so far, neither have gotten me any deeper into the tight knit clique communities in any of the blog groups I frequent.

Sometimes, I think it’s my fault. The reason I have no friends, no community of my own.

But deep down, I don’t really believe it. I feel like I try really hard to make friends. I try to be a fairly upbeat and fun person, I seek out people with similar interests as me (um…hello?! other photo majors in art school…who else has more similar interests than those I’m studying with? Alas, no friends for me). I try so hard to connect with others, online and in the “real world” to no avail.

Which makes it all the harder to face the fact that my community is just myself, my fiance and my 2 cats right now.

Yes, I’ll admit, when I was in high school I hated the idea of friends. I had my boyfriend and that was good. I was (am) clinically depressed, I had a lot of secrets from the world back then and I wasn’t ready to open up to anyone. But I am now. I want to be. But no matter how open I am….well….

This prompt has majorly sucked. In a good way. And a bad way. I so often think about other people, wanting to connect so bad I think I sometimes come off as desperate on my insignificant little corner of the internet here. But when I write those things, when I reach out and seem desperate…I don’t care because I’m so jealous of all the other bloggers, tweeters, artists….people in the world who are making connections, making a community and people care about them.

Hmmm…
Well, this was rather depressing and honest. I’m not sure what I’ve gotten out of this prompt yet.

December 8-Beautifully Different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful. (Author: Karen Walrond)

At first, I thought…what do I have to say to this? I’m not that different. Or beautiful, inside or out. I’m boring, bland…run of the mill. I must be right? (look at my response above.) There’s nothing magical about me, there’s nothing interesting or unique.

But, in truth, we are all different and we are all beautiful because of those differences.
I am different because:
-I am fascinated by people’s differences. The different way people approach a situation or the different way people think. I think each and every person in the world is interesting and different becuase of the way the think. And I think I’m beautiful because I recognize this.
-I’m open. To all paths in life. To all people and all thought.
-I support those I care about.
-My passions and dreams run so deep, I feel them to the bone. There’s passions inside of me that sizzle and make me cry when they fail.
-For the few people I’m the closest to…their emotions heavily affect me. When they are sad or angry…I am sad or angry without even trying.
-I devour books.
-I am not a proper person before I have my coffee.
-I am trying with all my little heart to improve and make a good life for myself.
-I have accepted the challenges of life, the fact that it’s not turning out how I planned and loving the small things that come my way.
-I want more for myself than this.

Okay, so many not all of them are that different. We are all similar in some small ways to other, but I still feel unique because of what has happened in my life and the way I view the world. My ideas and thoughts and emotions are the way they are because of my life and my life is no ones but mine.

December 9- Party Prompt: Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans. (Author: Shauna Reid)

Hmmm…
So, seeing my community is so small (above), ya really think I’m the type to party? Not really.
The only actual party I attended this year was the Halloween party my fiance and I had at our house. And that could have been better. (Although, I was a fantastic pirate, just so you know.)

Anyways. Social gathering.
Okay, I’m going to go with the weekend of October 23rd. I (and my brother who lives in Georgia) both flew home to Chicago for the weekend….to go to haunted houses. Cause my family is awesome like that! We hit…3 houses and my other brother made us delicious smoked, pulled pork sandwiches. I love my family and I love Halloween so it was the best social gathering of the year.

I have to say….these 3 prompts were not my favorite so far. Hard and my answers were rather depression. I’ll admit it’s okay to reflect on the bad sometimes, and I’ve been completely honest as I can be in these responses.

♥
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