I’ve tried writing this post several times now. There are about 3 different drafts partially written plus all the drafts in my head. I don’t know how to start, I don’t really know what to say anymore.
My depression and anxiety have been really bad lately, as you can tell from the break from blogging I’ve been taking.
The first 2 weeks I really didn’t feel like blogging (or doing anything) at all, so I let myself have the break. And then I start thinking about blogging again, and realized that I probably think too much about it.
And then I wanted to blog something but I felt disingenuous blogging inspiration or pretty things or acting cheerful when I’m not at all. And I didn’t want to talk about my depression again because I didn’t want to bore you or have my blog start sounding too emo.
But here I am anyways. Because I don’t know how to move forward if I don’t talk about this.
I over-think my blog and blogging a lot of the time.
It should just be natural, right? Blogging is something I do because I love it. Sure, someday I would love to make a job out of this but even then, I need to enjoy it. I shouldn’t have to force it. And I sometimes I think I shouldn’t think so much about it.
I spend a lot of time reading problogger, copyblogger and all those sites about how to get more traffic, to improve content etc
Last year, I bought Elsie‘s Blog Love e-course and devoured it in one day.
A few weeks ago, Amy of Lemon and Raspberry had a free workshop of Better Blog Content.
These are all fabulous resources but reading and re-reading them often makes me go crazy!
It’s not just about number of subscribers or views.
One of the reasons I blog is because I want to connect with people. Other bloggers, artists, 20somethings, nerds, photographers, art journalers…all of you. I want to connect, I want to inspire and I want to be a part of some kind of blog group that we all see. I see bloggers who are surrounded by other bloggers, those who talk and link to each other all the time. They’re in this group that is impenetrable and these bloggers are untouchable. I don’t want to be untouchable, but I want to be part of a group. I want to connect and have a community who are close friends and who love each other.
I’m not there and I feel like, by this point I should be.
During my break from blogging, I’ve been thinking about improving my content, making my blog something that inspires me to write everyday. So here are the questions I posed myself:
Who am I? What makes me…me? What do I want to share with the world? What defines me as a person, a blogger, an artist? What makes me truly unique and interesting? I think of these question and I come up with few to no answers.
I feel like these things are such essential things everyone should know, right? How would you answer? I’m honestly curious, so tell me in the comments. How would you answer the above questions?
I’m not sure where to go from here and I feel like I’ve probably talked far too much now but I wanted to be honest and I needed to get some thoughts out.
I don’t know if I’ve gotten out all I wanted to say or if this post has any point but I’ll end it here for now.
Please share your thoughts about any of what I wrote and the questions I posed. I’m very interested to hear your opinions.
♥
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