Balance

Self April 2012 ©Kendra Kantor

Self April 2012 ©Kendra Kantor

I’m sitting here, with a notebook laid before me. Scott is sitting in bed trying to calm our crying baby. I’ve been trying to work for the past 2 hours and keep getting interrupted to calm the fussiness, feed the baby or go for an ice cream run (yes, that was necessary). This is all a daily occurrence now, as to be expected with a newborn.

My notebook is blank and open to a new page. “Things I Want To Do” reads the headline at the top. The list is a page long, filled with projects and internet activities I’d like to accomplish daily, weekly, monthly and for the rest of the year or longer. I’m trying to organize, prioritize and generally make sense of my new life.

I’m looking for balance.

I’m trying to figure out what I need in my life and what things I can sacrifice so I can take care of and spend time with my newborn son. It’s proving a difficult task. I think my biggest problem is, I don’t know what I need in my life because I don’t know who I am, where I’m going or what I want my life to look like. So I want lots of options, things to try out and practice with to find where my goals, dreams and heart lie.

To the other mamas and lost souls out there, how do you find balance with life, work, family…and still have time to try to find yourself?

♥Kendra

 

 

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Life, Like a Bird, LLD, reflections and tagged , , ,

5 Comments

  1. Michelle H
    Posted 06/06/2012 at 2:02 pm | Permalink

    Honestly? Give in to the fact that things are going to be unbalanced for a little while. Or readjust what balance looks like in your life.

    Make compromises, but not on the things that really matter to you. We gave up some favorite television shows in order to spend more time together as a family and less time together staring at the TV mindlessly. I go to one exercise class a week because it keeps me sane. We decided it was OK to not go see friends if we really just wanted to stay home and we weren’t going to feel guilty about it. We gave up on the idea of having a clean house all the time. Sometimes we eat popcorn for dinner.

    I am a list maker too, but I threw some of that out the window. I found that when I wasn’t accomplishing everything on my “to do” lists I felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere. Rather than focusing on the things that I did accomplish I focused instead on the things that never seemed to get done. Not a good way to live!

    Start small, on that list of yours pick 2 or 3 things that you want to do and then throw in one more thing that you may not want to do but you know you have to do. Start there. Give it a few weeks. Try it again. Next time add another want and another need. Keep adding until you feel like you’ve got your rhythm back.

    Newborns are hard work. But it really truly gets easier from here. Let me repeat that. IT GETS EASIER! Sure there will still be difficult days and sleepless nights. Teething, trips to the doctor, fussy days, sick days, baby-refusing-to-eat-anything-at-all days, but in general it gets easier. And more fun!

    Make time for yourself. Ok, so this one is hard. But try to find time once a week that you can leave the house. Leave baby at home and go somewhere by yourself. I’m not talking a date night with your partner, this is just for you. Don’t run errands or anything like that (unless that truly is your idea of a good time). Start with an hour or two. However long you know you can go without being near baby (for nursing or other reasons). Go to the library, the museum, go sit in a park or at a coffee shop. Take a walk, go for a swim, whatever. This helped me feel like I was still a person. You get so caught up in this little being that needs you 24/7 it’s often hard to remember that you are an individual!

    Well that’s all I’ve got in the advice department. Hope it helps!

    [Reply]

    Kendra Kantor Reply:

    Thanks for the advice Michelle! It’s nice to hear from other mamas :)

    The hard part is that I don’t have much “extra” stuff. I rarely watch tv and movies, if I do it’s to spend time with my parents (which is important). Don’t have any friends and our room is pretty much always a mess lol oh and my brother or mom makes dinner most nights. And yet I still feel like I don’t have enough time!

    I started by making a list of things I want to do in June but my list still seems lacking. I think if I was more secure with what I wanted to do with my life it would be easier.

    It’s already gotten easier and it’s only been 6 weeks so I’m hopeful it gets even easier. But I’m just far too hard on myself. A week after he was born I felt guilty and anxious that I should be doing work again! (even when I had all my blog posts scheduled for a month and nothing to worry about).

    Honestly, I’m pretty lucky because I do have time for myself to a point. My fiance is great about giving me time to work whenever I ask for it and we live with my parents and my mom takes the baby usually 1 or 2 times a day for 2-4 hours at a time. But I’m still struggling it seems! Ugh.

    I think I really need to schedule out my time a bit better and hope that works :) Thanks again!

    [Reply]

  2. Posted 06/08/2012 at 10:07 am | Permalink

    These times will come and go. My kids are 11 and 16 and there are still times when I feel lost and unable to find my bearings. When I start feeling like that I just try to remind myself that these feelings will pass and everything will feel on track again in time. It’s hard sometimes trying to live your life when you share that life with 2-3 other people whose needs and wants are intertwined with yours. I think that sometimes this off-balanced feeling is sometimes good for me, because it makes me focus on how to make my life MORE focused-if that makes any sense. It is a time to reassess my priorities and think about what makes me happy. Your baby is absolutely throw your world upside down for a bit. It will be hard, but you will adjust in time.

    I just found your blog through Pinterest and I love it! I’ll be back.

    [Reply]

  3. Posted 10/30/2012 at 6:20 pm | Permalink

    I’m not a mom, but I write about this topic all the time! Sometimes I think that I have it under control and other times I am all over the place. At those moments, I can go up to a week without blogging (*gasp!*) I think that, with life, balance ebbs and flows. I hope it is an equilibrium time for you ;)

    [Reply]

  4. Posted 11/29/2012 at 5:00 pm | Permalink

    I’m not a Mom either, but I’m definitely at a point of transition in my life and doing plenty of self-exploration. I’ve found journaling to be extremely beneficial and a great way to focus my thoughts. The technique that seems to work best for me is a stream of consciousness style and trying to look at my thoughts from an outsiders perspective. For example an “I’m scared of…” thought has to answer “are you really?” and if so “why?” and so on and so on. For the really hard topics I usually write whining gibberish for a couple days but eventually I have a light bulb moment. So for now, try to just let your thoughts and feelings flow. The answers will come with time.

    [Reply]

  5. Posted 05/16/2013 at 10:23 am | Permalink

    As mom to six and grandmom to 12, I say this: every single day is different. One day, you’ll think you’ve found the key. The next, yikes! Your son and your husby are your priorities right now. Everything else can wait. Everything else. There’s time for you when baby is sleeping. I’ve decided that patience is the one thing we learn in this life. Be patient. Time for other things will definitely come.

    [Reply]

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