Thoughts

There are things I want to say, words that want to come forth but I have no way of putting them down. It’s all skewed in my head and I can’t make much sense of where it’s all going, of what’s the point anymore.

I want to share with you why I decided I needed to split Like a Bird and move my family and personal/family life content to Loose Leaf Dreams. I want to share with you how I’m trying to re-align my priorities. I want to talk about my dream life and how I’m realizing what I need to do to achieve some, any, parts of it. I want to take about baby steps and the difficulty I’m having with starting them let alone making things habit when I’m trying to also be a new mom with a baby who nurses every 1.5 hours and only naps while being held (and who naps every for 30mins-1 hour before very feeding).

I want to talk about my fears and my anxiety and my depression. I want to share a secret dream with you but I’m afraid I’ll ruin it. I want to expand my readership and reach out to other types of people but I honestly have no idea how. I want to change my content and write powerful, soulful things with a purpose and passion but I am stuck behind my procrastination, the pain and panic that keeps me confined to my room, to my bed.

I want, I want, I want.

I don’t know where to go from here or how to move forward. I know I can’t force this but I feel deep down inside that part of me needs to while the other part needs to step away from this space for a few days, a few weeks…maybe longer.

I don’t know.