Here we are. Here I am.
It’s September and my August Break is over. I decided to take part in Susannah Conway’s August Break for many reasons. In August I started seeing a therapist, I’ve been working on my Journey to Recovery and I wanted time to focus. I’ve been needing a break from the internet and from my little home here. Did it help? I don’t know. Things are so chaotic in my life. I’m seeing a therapist, my doctor just changed my medication, Jeffrey has silent reflux and Scott finally got a job. Things are changing and one moment to the next this entire year has been a transition and a something new to think about, worry about or work towards.
I don’t know what I need. I intended to take most of August and wrote for myself. Write words intended only for my eyes and not my blog. But not in a journal either. I don’t know what my full intentions were but I didn’t accomplish them. I didn’t write as often as I would have liked but I do have about 5 or 6 drafts on my blog just hanging out with words, ramblings, complaints and thoughts that are not, and may never be complete. Once again, I’m stuck with half written out words and ideas and no idea where to go with them.
I recently watched this video from Leonie Dawson and I’ve also been working with Ashley from After Nine to Five with business consulting and life coaching, right now we’re mostly focusing on my blog and getting my content up to snuff. So here I am, trying to write what words just come out and not censoring myself. Write from the heart and write for you, not for others. I believe that but at the same time, my goals and intentions for this page of mine are for you, my lovely readers and not necessarily myself.
I was looking back at the things I wrote in August and every draft contained the following:
I don’t know.
breathe. just breathe.
I guess I need to breathe, huh?
So where am I? What am I saying with all of this? I couldn’t tell you. I don’t exactly know what I’m going to work on from here on out but I know I need to be more honest and true to what I want to share. I love sharing work from other artists but I don’t know how important it is to my content on this site, I would love to share more of my own artwork but I just don’t have time to create right now. I want to share more of my words and thoughts but I often feel like a broken record. And so here I am. I don’t know where I’m going, who I am or what I want but I hope you’ll stick around for the ride.