There is a dark pit inside of me.
A rage I am unused to.
It’s not an emotion that is part of my usual crew.
sad.
hopeless.
depressed.
anxious.
love.

So many others.
But rage?

I started writing this as I start so much else, in my head. The words become ephemeral, I edit, write and discover what I want to say as words scroll through my mind.

Rage.

Release.
I felt the need to release. I started writing the words in water, on the tile while I showered. Hoping to erase, release…to let go of this rage as the words never truly appear, as they get washed away with the grime and baby drool on me, accumulated from days without a shower that this mama has become used to.

Rage.

I ran to the water to breathe, to inhale, to search for peace inside of me as I often do.
Instead, I am forced to jump out and scrawl these words in my journal, my handwriting near intelligible, getting the words out and thought and emotions down as fast as I can.
Red.
Rage.

So fucking frustrated.
I feel so unhealthy.
I can’t begin to describe it.

I have dreams several times a night of rage, scream yelling at people. Of feeling panicked and anxious. This is new, within the last few months and I hate it.
I hate it.
I hate it.

Rage with feeling rage.

Please let me release this rage.

Share: Have you ever suddenly noticed a new emotion rolling inside of you that you weren’t used to? Was it positive or negative and how did you learn to embrace or release it?