The Good, The Bad and The Ugly of Being an Introspection-aholic™

They say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.

I am an *introspection-aholic™. I admit it.

I question, question, question and come up with no answer.
I analyze everything.

I am working on enjoying life but trying to accept and discover who I am at my core at the same time. It often leads to over thinking situations, daily life and more.

Well, I admit that I am and always will be an introspection-aholic™. It’s a part of me, and I don’t want to recover from it, but I would like to ease up on it a little.

The GOOD

I am a great communicator. That sounds like bragging and maybe it is but I am damn proud about it so here I am, bragging. My fiance and I talk talk talk about everything and I feel like I am very articulate.

I have a lot to write about. Usually. I’m still human and still have major writers block as well as lack of time to write. But I have over 80 drafts on wordpress right now. Not all are actual things I plan to write about, but I’d say there are a good 15 solid ideas in there.

I hunger for knowledge. I want to know everything and anything. Honestly, the reason I’m most excited to homeschool my son is to learn things myself. (Does that make me a nerd?) Which means I think I can, and will be, a great teacher for my child(ren).

I know myself, my thought process and how the world affects me more than most. I’m on this never ending quest to find myself but I’m learning more everyday and I struggle when I encounter people (family most often) who don’t understand their own decisions or feelings in a situation. I want to help them. And you.

The BAD

I can’t live in the moment, ever. This has been hard to deal with this past year, the first year of my son’s life. I know I’ve been doing better but I also feel like I’ve missed moments, watching him grow and learn.

I can’t stop thinking which means…I can’t meditate and I can’t do yoga. I’ve tried, and failed. I’ll try again some day, but for now between being so introspective and my anxiety, it’s not a possibility as much as I would like it to be.

I can’t create without my inner critic questioning every move and stroke I make.

The UGLY

My anxiety is spurred on by my racing mind. I think about everything, and assume others are judging me all the time.

I worry about my child, I worry about worrying and how it’s affecting my brain and my child’s brain and development.

I get bogged down in to many questions and thoughts and often hold myself back.

The SOLUTION

When I brought up not being able to meditate to my therapist she told me to try what I’ll call, “positive self meditation”. Basically instead of meditating, I sit in a quiet spot and take 15 minutes to think about myself in a positive light. What am I proud of, what am I good at, what physical aspects make me feel beautiful and sexy. It’s not as calming as meditation, but when you feel crappy about a recent painting, sitting and thinking about all the positives about yourself that you do have is really helpful.

Playing with my child. This is the easiest way I’ve found to live in the moment and stop being so introspective. It’s hard with the anxiety but when I can grab him, tickle him and make him giggle-snort…nothing else in the world matters and that’s how it should be.

I intend to start learning with intention. What does that mean? I think all the time, that’s the definition of being an Introspection-aholic™, but if I can be intentional about my learning of myself and my introspection of life, I can feel better about it.

Share: Are you a self proclaimed Introspection-aholic™? What is your solution?

*note: I googled the term “introspection-aholic” and found no references or uses and so I’m coining it and claiming it as mine.