*Disclaimer: I feel very passionate about being 100% real and honest on my blog. That means I will sometimes be sharing personal experiences that might be a trigger for some of you reading it. Please be aware of that before reading the below post (and any posts on my blog).
I had a panic attack the other night. It came out of nowhere, stealing my breath and my mind and I could do nothing but let it ride itself out. I laid crying, sobbing, gasping for breath and my mind racing.
Eventually, I stopped crying but I couldn’t shake my racing mind, my questioning of what had just happened and why?
Since I’ve started going to therapy again recently, I’ve started to become more aware of myself again. When taking my break from the internet and blog world, I kind of tried to shut down the introspection-aholic in me and just be for a while. Which was great. But now I’m in therapy and writing here again and I need to focus on my reactions, the questions and feelings that run through my mind during and after a panic attack. I need to focus on what triggers my anxiety and what calms it down.
My panic attack this time happened just before bed, our son was already asleep and we weren’t far behind when the panic struck. So once I calmed down enough to breath and know my attack was over, I drifted off to sleep, exhausted from the mental and physical toll.
The days that followed have been filled with anxiety and a general “blah” that I can’t shake. The few weeks before I had been feeling okay, better than normal. I was recognizing my successes and feeling proud for the things I had done and accomplished. And then…
The damn panic attack out of no where and suddenly the emails that were so easy to write just hours before became daunting tasks that made me shake and have to hold my breath. The thought of one or two impending trips now makes my heart race when before the attack I kept thinking, “Okay, I can do this. This is the next step. I’ll be okay.” Now my inner self is saying, “No. no. no. no. stay inside, curl in a ball. HIDE!”
And I want to listen. Oh how badly do I want to listen to that damn voice telling me to “Hide! Hide! HIDE NOW!”
But I can’t.
Because I’m a mother, and a new wife. I have a son and a home and a cat and a husband and myself to take care of. I have a business that I’m planning and a life I want to live so badly.
But I sit watching my son and his father play and my breath catches in my throat again and everything and nothing hurts and I don’t know how to shake this feeling.
I’m still working on how to find coping mechanisms that work for me, I know I’ll find them eventually but right now it’s hard to deal with this unshakable feeling like there was the me before the panic attack and this new me after and I’m not liking this other version of myself that’s riddled with panic and pain. It reminds me how good I was doing and how bad I’m doing right in this moment.
I know I’ll come out of this, intellectually, I KNOW but that doesn’t make it any less hard right now.
Share: How do you cope with the feelings of a Panic Attack Hangover? How do you get rid of that “blah” or the grumps that are harder to shake after a panic attack happens?