Often, as women with mental illnesses, our accomplishments feel like facing and scaling Mount Everest while to our partner, best friend or neighbor it looks like stepping on a small ant hill.
A year ago, it took deep breathing, squeezing my (then) fiance’s hand and a lot of convincing to leave our small bedroom just to venture into the kitchen.
A year ago, I had panic attacks when my fiance would leave the house to pick up dinner.
A year ago, I couldn’t imagine being left alone for ten minutes let alone all day everyday to take care of my son without his father there to help.
6 months ago, I couldn’t even imagine making a phone call if I had to.
6 months ago, I couldn’t fathom going up to a counter at Starbucks and ordering my own coffee.
6 months ago it took hours of pep talk to be able to leave the house, alone, drive and see a doctor without my (then) fiance.
Looking back since January I see all my accomplishments, all the big things (to me) I’ve been able to overcome and come out the other side unscathed.
I happily leave the house to go to my therapy appointments and usually stop for coffee on the way home to expand my alone, self care time. Yes, I still have a low anxiety that sits in my stomach as I drive but I can get out of the house and I can voluntarily stay out longer than is absolutely necessary.
I still struggle to be 100% present with my son but we have bonded so much being alone together all the time and I don’t have panic attacks when he gets fussy anymore. I can handle it when he fights sleep or throws tantrums (mostly cause they’re cute.) I don’t get panicked, I just get worn out like any other mother to a rowdy toddler would.
Within the last few weeks, I have made several phone calls to doctors and such, I’ve sent emails without batting an eye, I went up to the Starbucks counter to get some water while my husband was with me and could have done it for me. But I did it without a thought, until it was over and I said, “HEY! I talked to strangers and asked for something all on my own!”
Writing that down, it sounds even more trivial than in my head. But ya know what? I know there are others like this out there. I know there are women and girls who are dealing with the same thing. You can’t imagine having to make small talk with the cashier when you get groceries, you can’t imagine leaving the house and walking to the car without panicking, you can’t escape the feeling that these kind of feelings with never go away.
Listen to my stories and others and realize, we get it. We all have our own Mount Everest to face and someday, we all will.
Share: In the comments below, tell us what accomplishments you’ve faced lately, no matter how small they might seem to others, if it’s a mountain to you (hell even if it’s ant hill to you too!), celebrate it, feel PROUD of yourself for the forward progress you are making with your mental health or your life.
