2013 Was…

2013

Maybe it’s a little late to be posting a “wrap up” of 2013, but this is my story and my space and I want to – need to – get some thoughts and feelings out about the year that just ended.

I have been doing a lot of looking forward lately, not so much looking back like I should.
My husband and I did a releasing ceremony on the Winter Solstice and I looked back at what I wanted to let go of from 2013 but beyond that…there hasn’t been a lot of reflection. Until now.

Why? What was I afraid of in looking back? I strongly believe in the importance of learning from life and our mistakes and triumphs and looking at where we’ve been to see where we need and want to go. So why was I afraid?

I look back at other years…2012, 2011, 2010 and my fear makes sense.

2010 was…

intense.
hard.
loving.
full of change.
full of doubts.
full of laughter.
a time for decision making.
a whirlwind.

Originally posted here.

2011 was…

fast
painful
full of sadness, doubt
full of love, laughter
my “lost” year

Originally posted here.

2012 was…

a year of learning to be a mama
painful
filled to the brim with anxiety
full of love.
full of fear and change
a year of grieving and growth
a year of transition

I wish I had an actual post from 2012 but I don’t so the above is what I remember and what I see when looking back at posts.

I look back at those posts and my words and can feel my pain and confusion pouring through the words.
Yes, I was afraid to look back at 2013 and have similar feelings to the past few years.

And then I took a moment the other day and these were the thoughts that came pouring out…

2013 was…

A year of progress.
A year of forward motion and upward hills.
The first year in the longest time (ever? certainly for my whole adult life!) that i wasn’t angry and depressed and so ready to be done.
Okay.
Full of laughter and creating.
Full of feeling proud and real true growth.
The year Jeffrey turned 1.
The year we FINALLY got married.
The year I found my real purpose.

Holy crap! Can you see…feel…the difference from 2013 to the past years like I can? It’s real and tangible.

A few awesome major events happened in 2013, but nothing ground shattering. There was nothing that tore me down and broke my life apart like all the years before. There was real progress. I finally am on medication that is working, I’ve been consistently in therapy. Sure I lost a month or so to being sick and in the hospital. But despite that, things are looking up and I can’t even believe it.

So I needed to write it down so I can come back here and remember. Truth: Life isn’t perfect and I’m still not sure what ‘perfect’ is but it’s getting to a place that feels okay. It’s getting to a place that feels like it might actually be good.

I know it’ll still take time and work and there will be down falls because there were several even in 20132. But maybe in a few years, I’ll look back and say, hey 2013 was really the year things in our lives started to turn around. 2013 was our breakout year. 2013 was the year we needed to figure things out and really come into who we are and what we wanted.

2013 is over and it was a pretty decent one.
Here we go 2014. Let’s do this!

♥Kendra

Share: Tell me in 3 words what was 2013 for you?

 

01/14/2014
Life, Like a Bird | Tagged , , , | Thoughts(2)

Why I Blog About Mental Health

Why I Blog About Mental Health

Today, I wanted to share a bit about my story for those who are coming to Like a Bird for the first time, and to remind the rest of you why I blog about mental health.

I was diagnosed with clinical depression when I was 13. This past year, I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder as well. (you can read more about my diagnoses here). I have always believed in being honest with yourself and that it is one of the most important parts of the healing journey. I’ve always written honestly about my mental health on my blog but last year I decided to start my own business and really dedicate myself to helping other creative women who also suffer from mental health problems and need some honest support from someone who gets it. (more on my offerings here)

I think it’s so so so important to talk about mental health. There is a severe lack of support in many communities and I hope to fill in that role when I can. I write about my healing journey and about my personal struggles because I think it’s important to share our stories so others know they aren’t alone. I’ve written about being a mama grieving for her old life, I wrote about my current biggest triggers (food and money) and how I’m trying to overcome them, I wrote about how being a mama with a mental illness is the hardest thing, I’ve shared a poem I wrote while in the middle of a panic attack. I share the revelations and thoughts I have when seeing my art therapist. I write about the good stuff and the bad stuff because it’s all important and it’s all part of my journey (and yours too).

There is a lot of history of mental illnesses in my family and I worry, often, about my son inheriting this dibiliting life. But I feel confident that by being a voice in the community, by standing up and being honest, by educating myself and others there will come a time when (hopefully by the time my son is a teen), that people won’t feel shamed or scared or judged for having a mental illness. It will be okay and encouraged more to seek help. I hope that some day, it will be easier to come forward and say, “I’m hurting, I need help.” and that people will come flocking with love and openness, not hate and judgement.

Life is about living not just surviving your mental illness or “rough patch”. I blog about my mental illness so others can know it’s okay to feel this way (even though it sucks). I blog about my personal struggles and my personal triumphs so others can see the journey, see that it is possible to heal and have a good life, but you do have to work at it.

I blog about mental health because I care.

♥Kendra

Share: Why do you blog about mental health? How can we, as a community, help spread more love, openness and encouragement so others feel okay about seeking help and speaking out?

 

Like a Bird

01/10/2014
Like a Bird, Mental Health Wellness, my mental health | Tagged , , , , | Thoughts(1)

The Importance of Honoring The Self and Taking Time for Wellness

The Importance of Honoring The Self and Taking Time for Wellness

Here is what I’ve realized lately:
Wellness and self care are such important topics to me, not only because of my mental illnesses, but because I never had a good example of them while growing up.

Growing up, I was never shown how to truly take time for self, how to truly work on your body, mind or spirit and feel good. I was never shown that it’s okay to take that time. I was never shown that it’s important and worthy and necessary to take that time.

I used to sit and watch my mom cook and clean and think she had this special “mom” energy because she just kept going and going all day. My son is 19 months old and I’ve wondered when that “mom” energy would kick in for me because I’ve never seen a hide nor hair of it so far!

But the other day, I realized, it’s not a special kind of energy exactly. It’s the energy of a person who isn’t listening to their own body, mind or needs. It’s a person who just is on go go go all the time and not paying attention to the necessity for wellness and self care.

Maybe the dishes need done or the floor needs vacuumed or there’s more holiday decorating to do…but ya know what? If your depression or anxiety or whatever you are dealing with is weighing you down…if it’s hard to breath or you just want to cry. It’s okay, it’s necessary, it’s important to take time.

Fuck the dishes.
Fuck the housework.
Fuck the decorating.

Go curl up in bed with a book.
Go take a shower and relax.
Go out for coffee and forget the house exists.

I’ve personally never been one to do housework as often as I should (? Although, I’m not sure what ‘should’ means). And while I love to be productive, if my anxiety is out of control or my depression is making me lethargic, I’ll sit on the couch and relax because I know it’s what I need.

Those dishes, that cat hair on the floor, the decorations…they will still be there in an hour or even tomorrow. Pushing yourself past your limits, pushing your mind and body to the breaking point just makes it break faster. There’s no one but your own expectations telling you those things need to be done right now. It’s more important to listen to your body and take time for your wellness. Your body doesn’t care about the dishes, it cares if you are taken care of and if you feel well.

Listen to that voice inside that’s yelling at you to take a damn break sometimes.

♥Kendra

Share: Do you take the time to honor your self? Do you listen to that voice inside of you? If you don’t, how can you start?

 

01/07/2014
Like a Bird, Mental Health Wellness | Tagged , , , , , , | Thoughts(1)