Thoughts

There are things I want to say, words that want to come forth but I have no way of putting them down. It’s all skewed in my head and I can’t make much sense of where it’s all going, of what’s the point anymore.

I want to share with you why I decided I needed to split Like a Bird and move my family and personal/family life content to Loose Leaf Dreams. I want to share with you how I’m trying to re-align my priorities. I want to talk about my dream life and how I’m realizing what I need to do to achieve some, any, parts of it. I want to take about baby steps and the difficulty I’m having with starting them let alone making things habit when I’m trying to also be a new mom with a baby who nurses every 1.5 hours and only naps while being held (and who naps every for 30mins-1 hour before very feeding).

I want to talk about my fears and my anxiety and my depression. I want to share a secret dream with you but I’m afraid I’ll ruin it. I want to expand my readership and reach out to other types of people but I honestly have no idea how. I want to change my content and write powerful, soulful things with a purpose and passion but I am stuck behind my procrastination, the pain and panic that keeps me confined to my room, to my bed.

I want, I want, I want.

I don’t know where to go from here or how to move forward. I know I can’t force this but I feel deep down inside that part of me needs to while the other part needs to step away from this space for a few days, a few weeks…maybe longer.

I don’t know.

♥Kendra

 

 

07/16/2012
Like a Bird, reflections | Tagged , | Thoughts(1)

Photo Friday- Project 366: Month 6

I know it’s the middle of the month already but I still wanted to share my pictures for my Project 366 for June. I didn’t do so good in June! Almost all my pictures were taken with my phone, almost all are of Jeffrey and I missed 4 days! Oops!!

I’m trying to simplify my posts and so I’m testing out a new plugin for this month and would rather go cuddle with my two favorite guys than try to make it work perfect. Be sure to check out my Tumblr
6-1-12 001Kendra Kantor-1

6-3-12 002Kendra Kantor-1

6-4-12 01Kendra Kantor-1

6-5-12 001Kendra Kantor-1

6-6-12 001Kendra Kantor-1

6-7-12

6-8-12

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6-10-12

6-11-12

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6-15-12

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6-20-12

6-21-12

6-23-12

6-24-12

6-25-12

6-27-12

6-28-12

6-30-12

Check out previous months:

Month 1
Month 2
Month 3
Month 4
Month 5

 

Don’t forget to follow my tumblr blog to get daily pictures from me!

 

Are you doing a Project 366? I’d love to see, be sure to send me a link!

♥Kendra

 

 

07/13/2012
Like a Bird, Photo Friday, Project 366 | Tagged , , , , , , | Thoughts

I Took Myself on a Date

I have a confession.

I can’t remember the last time I left the house by myself.

©Kendra Kantor

Here’s the deal, 2009-2010 I lived alone in Boston. I had my own apartment, didn’t really have friends, my boyfriend lived 500+ miles away and my family lived 1000+ miles away. I was good and truly alone all. the. time. And while it wasn’t the best situation and company would have probably improved my depression, I did get used to it. I didn’t mind being on my own, I didn’t mind going grocery shopping, eating alone, getting coffee alone, riding the train alone, coming home to an empty house. I got used to it and it was just normal everyday life.

Then in 2010, I moved to Pennsylvania to live with my boyfriend, Scott. And we were in the suburbs with no public transportation and we only owned one car that I couldn’t even drive. Combine that with my increasing depression and daily anxiety that got worse when I left the house…

©Kendra Kantor

I can’t remember the last time I left the house by myself.

So I decided to fix that. It wasn’t easy but it’s something I need to work on. We’re living back in Illinois now with my parents and I can drive my mom’s car, the baby will eat from a bottle if he needs to and I need to work on better self care.

©Kendra Kantor

I took myself out on a date.

©Kendra Kantor

So despite the 100+ degree weather (pretty hot for Chicago!), I showered and put on make up, the first time since I had the baby, packed a notebook and my camera and went out into the world. I stopped by the bookstore and wandered around, pulled out some creativity books and read in the cafe for a bit. I’ll be honest, it was damn hard to leave. Not to leave the baby, I knew he was in safe hands with his Daddy, but I was anxious by the time I got to the bookstore (driving is hard on me too). So I didn’t stay at the bookstore as long as I could have. After that I went out to lunch by myself. I actually was able to think better at lunch than the bookstore (too noisy).

I wrote down a bunch of thoughts and ideas. Goals and dreams that will take years to accomplish but baby steps that I need to work on now. It was hard, and I was panicking pretty bad by the time I got home (before baby even had time to wake up and take a bottle!) but I did it.

I did it.

And I’ll do it again and again and again. My goal right now is to take myself out at least once a month because I know it will be healthy for me even if it’s scary.

Do you go out on dates with yourself? How often? What do you do?

♥Kendra

 

 

07/11/2012
just me, Like a Bird | Tagged , , , , | Thoughts(4)